Trust in it.

6:22 AM

In two weeks, I start my journey back to San Diego. How long and strenuous tour seems until you find it slipping through your hands. We had a team date with New England last weekend. Before we left, we promised each other we would make the next 3 weeks the best ones of tour. With our hands in a pile, I saw the end and it terrified me. It forced me to look at myself and realize that I wasn't trusting the journey. I was making it through screenings but I wasn't being the roadie that people would remember. And that was not who I came on the road to be. Right before I got back in the van, Erin from New England told me this, "give it everything you have because you don't get this back". When I step off that van in May, I want to say I left it all on the road. I want to come back delirious, exhausted and empty because that will mean I gave it everything.

We are afraid of thinking differently and the things that force us to search inside ourselves. This formula that is the road is divinely unique. You can't hide from yourself here, you have to face the depth of your flaws. I look at my team and realize I haven't loved them enough, I look at myself and see numbness, bitterness and selfishness. But I also see 15 days to change that. It doesn't matter how strong I was when I started but how strongly I finish.

This is history. This movement, fad or not, is going to be remembered. When my children ask me about it, I'm going to tell them the stories I have from the road. I'm going to tell them about the heartbreak, the breakthrough and the bliss. And I'm going to tell them that I wasn't perfect but I also wasn't apathetic. I'm going to tell them I did everything I could with what I had. And to be able to say that, I have to live it out. Kony 2012 is about thinking differently and then living differently. In part 2, Ben Keesey says something that summarizes my transformation these past 8 weeks. He says:
"we will not dismiss the problems of our friends simply because they are not our own, we don't live like that anymore." That is it. Everything I've had, everything I've known. I can't and I won't live like that anymore. I hope you have been affected by this movement in some way. And whether or not the LRA is your fight, whether or not you support it, I hope it has shown you that the world is different.

Trust in the journey, wherever you are and whatever you are doing because you will never get it back. Trust in it with everything you have. Say what you need to say even if you end up saying too much. My wonderful friend Kaylynn spoke incredible things over me yesterday and it made me realize that it is okay to be sad, it is okay to be tired but it is not okay to let it stop you. If you have been persecuted, hurt or ignored, mourn it and then remember what you live for and fight for that.

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