Doubts & Dependence

7:09 AM

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing" -Aristotle

Hi, I'm back. It's spring break & I finally have the time to let you in on something that has been rocking my world. When I don't write, it's usually because what I'm thinking doesn't make sense. But this makes sense, so I sure hope you will welcome me back. Here we go,

I know now that God is not a formula. You can't just add the inputs and expect the same results every time. God isn't a drug that you take when you need to feel something. I had it all wrong and because I had it all wrong, I was convinced God had forgotten about me. My lack of feeling, of high, of experience, I accounted as there being no God.

I was serving, I was loving people & I was wondering why God wasn't showing up. This is what God has been gently whispering to me lately: "you do as I say, but you need to allow me to do as well".

I had fallen victim to a crippling case of independence. Because you see, I was serving and loving and trying to walk in His way, but I was refusing to let anyone help me on that path. A few weeks ago, I lost my keys, not just one, but all of them. I didn't realize how valuable they really were to me until I found myself locked out of my car and my house on an hourly basis. I had to ask for help, and it was hard. I wanted to save my self, I didn't want to be an inconvenience and I certainly was afraid of letting people down.

Coincidently all of this occurred just around Valentines Day when my sweet Ms.Sylvia asked for help of her own. It's still difficult for her to allow us to help her. She still acts surprised when we come on Saturday mornings & she still tries to pay us when we do things for her. I would find myself getting so frustrated with her, I couldn't understand why she just wouldn't accept the love that these people were trying to offer her. That is when I realized, I was asking myself the same question. Just as I want to help Ms.Sylvia, God wants to help me. Just as I wait patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) for her to ask for help, God waits patiently for me to ask for help.

Life is much sweeter with Jesus. I can guarantee it. Because even though I really don't know a whole lot, I think that once you see God, you see him in everything. Like perfect oatmeal consistency and open roads, some things just can't exist without him. I don't want to deceive anyone or try to even convince you that I'm wise or holy. I'm still searching, I still have unresolved issues with churches and people who have caused me to question in the first place. But can I encourage you that among your doing, don't forget to let God do as well. I'm working on it, I'll let you know how it goes.

Also, Ms.Sylvia started her own business via a global website called Etsy. She fills her time with painting those "paint by number" canvases and has started to sell them. If you go to and type in CrossoverCreations, you can find all of her artwork and a little bit of her story. Like I wrote in an earlier post, I won't share her story here, there is power in hearing her share it. But if you ever want to join me a Saturday, I would love to introduce you to my beautiful friend.

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